It is a difficult role for anyone who cares for and/or manages the life of someone who has Alzheimer's.  As noted before, the role usually falls on a family member.  Usually a spouse or son/daughter.  Since the vast majority of Alzheimer's patients are over age 65, other medical conditions may worsen the effects of Alzheimer's as well as limit the care an elderly spouse or child can provide. This occurred in the family of Melissa R.

Melissa's maternal grandmother, Toni, had been showing signs of dementia in her mid to late 70's. She still lived at home under the watchful eye of her husband, Norman.  A few years later, at age 81, Norman began to exhibit signs as well. He was having trouble writing, driving and speaking. They both were becoming forgetful. It also became more difficult for Norman to handle any kind of stress.  These are all common among patients with Alzheimer's Disease. Melissa, a nurse (as is her mother and several other relatives) and her family decided that it was best to move the couple into an assisted living community.  Alzheimer's Disease is very common on her maternal side, especially among the women, so they all have a lot of personal and professional experience in caring for someone suffering from Alzheimer's.

Sadly, a couple of months ago, at age 87, Norman passed away due to Alzheimer's Disease.  Toni, 86, is in sharp decline.  Hours after Norman's  funeral, she was asking where he was.  She still has to be reminded that he is gone.  This can be stressful  for family members who have to relive the pain of telling her that her spouse has passed away. Melissa remembers being with her grandparents and the emotional difficulties of caring for the both of them.  There would be times that they didn't recognize family members and sometimes each other.  Melissa recalls how some of the youngest relatives would be hurt or offended if grandma/grandpa didn't recognize them.  She stresses the importance of explaining the disease and the symptoms to everyone in the family so that they may better deal with such moments.

Though Norman and Toni both had the same disease, they were effected differently and each day was different for both them.  For Melissa, patience and a sense of humor were the strongest tools in physically and emotionally caring for her grandparents.  On one occasion, Melissa remembers her grandmother telling her that she was old. Apparently, Toni still thought Melissa was a young girl and was confused.  After several "old" comments, Melissa says to her grandmother, "I'm not as old as you"  This made her grandmother laugh and eased the stress for both of them. She also recalled a time when her grandmother didn't recognize her daughter, but fully remembered her son-in-law when they came to visit. Instead of being upset or disappointed, the family made a joke of who the "favorite" was. Obviously, Melissa points out, you never want to belittle the person or make them feel infantile, but easing tensions with good natured humor can make difficult times better for all involved.

As with all Alzheimer's sufferers there are good days and bad days.  Everyday actions, such as eating, dressing and bathing can create huge amounts of stress for someone with Alzheimer's.  Melissa stresses the importance of maintaining a regular routine in order to create a healthy, stable environment for the patient and for the person caring for them.  She also adds that understanding the disease and preparing oneself mentally will greatly benefit any caregiver who is emotionally linked to the sufferer. This way the caregiver/family member doesn't take things personally and is able to provide the care and support needed.

Thanks to Melissa and her family for sharing their stories.  Best wishes to them all.